Acting by a template is safe, trying something new and opening a new door is scary.
I'm stuck. I don't see a way out. My head feels clouded, no thoughts, no ideas.
Does everybody see that I don't know what to do? Please, let it be unnoticed!
I'm afraid and ashamed. It's oh so scary to take a step towards your true desire. To stand up and put a stop to something that has been unbearable for a long time. To get angry! To say what I really think. To take an offer that's gonna change my life.
Sabotage can also be a way to punish ourselves. It sure had happened before, when we were kids. It's very simple for a kid to take the blame. And it starts a chain of dominos:
- I'm waiting for something pleasant (excitement)
- Oh, I'm not worth it (guilt)
- I can't ask for it (fear)
- I should be punished for it (sabotage)
- But I really wanted it (regret)
When I sabotage myself, create a catastrophe, and then save the day, for a short moment I feel like a fucking Batman. Never mind that I ruined the Gotham city myself, but I did save it afterwards! I can do it again three times before the town people will get tired of my heroism. And I will probably burn out.